Why I Come to Oak Tree Corner: Part 3

Today's post is brought to us by Carole Judge, a Beavercreek volunteer.


When my mother died in a car accident the weekend of my senior prom, my world was altered forever.  For years, the grief I felt that fateful day would repeatedly haunt me and intensify during life’s “everyday” moments.  High school graduation was a blur; I cried throughout most of the event.  But I remember lyrics of a song we had to sing:

It's time for moving on; hold back all the tears and sorrow...
It’s finally time, to go our separate ways...
As we search for new tomorrows...
Don't forget the yesterdays...   I also recall there was no place like Oak Tree Corner where I could share my feelings with other people my age suffering similar loss.  I was a teen who suddenly felt like a child.  I only knew one other girl whose mom had died.  She tried to teach me about unit pricing one day at the grocery store.  I didn’t want to learn.  I SHOULDN’T BE SHOPPING FOR MY OWN FOOD YET – I’M NOT READY – IM A KID!  Friends and family tried to provide comfort, but they could not offer the kind of support I needed.

That’s why I volunteer.  I’m a survivor.  I went to college, moved away from home, got married, had a career and children, and experienced a full life without the care and loving hand of a mother – the cheerleader of my universe.

At Oak Tree Corner, groups I’ve facilitated over the past 10+ years can be described in one word: complex!  Teens’ loved ones have died from illness, suicide, accident and senseless violence.  One week during our group session, a teen might reveal resilience and strength.  The following week, that same teen can seem so broken and weak he or she can’t even cry.  Some group members are hopeful and open; others are closed, scared, and angry.  We talk about it all.  We cry, but we also laugh.   I’ve watched teens develop strong, caring and confidential relationships with other teens they only see on Tuesday nights.  They show incredible kindness to a new member who is hurting.  They also call each other out for what they think are inappropriate comments and regularly give caring smack downs regarding shame or blame.  As a facilitator, what I hope I offer is an example that life can go on.  I never deny how afraid I felt or suggest it was easy.  It wasn’t.  At times it was crippling.

Years after my mother’s death, my husband came home one night to find me on the kitchen floor, sobbing and holding my infant daughter.  The birth of this beautiful baby ripped open my wound and I missed my mother all over again.  Healthy healing from the early loss of a parent or sibling can take years or decades, but I truly believe getting help can shorten the duration.  After peeling me off the floor, my husband bought me the book, “Motherless Daughters” by Hope Edelman.  Reading it probably began my true healing process because in it women shared feelings I thought were only mine.  The same thing happens at Oak Tree Corner – but Oak Tree is better – it’s real!

Taking the classes to become a grief group facilitator brought me full circle.  Teens come to my group weeks or years after they’ve experienced the death of a loved one.  Siblings, grandparents, parents, and dear friends die everyday, but for children, the impact can be devastating.  I felt flattened.  Today I volunteer with Oak Tree Corner because what I suffered after my mother’s death is not unique.  The work gives me purpose and I feel it’s my responsibility.  It can be difficult at times, but it’s always honest.

(It’s important to note this valuable local organization is non-profit and exists on donations from our community.)

Carole Judge has over ten years experience volunteering with Oak Tree Corner. She primarily works with the teens and is also the unofficial OTC photographer.