Still, new families, adults and children alike, are often trepidatious about what these meetings might entail, especially if they’ve never been before. Despite what many may assume, the meetings aren’t always sad affairs. They can bring up strong feelings, of course, as these meetings are designed to help children work through their grief, but there aren’t always tears. In fact, there’s usually a lot of laughter.
The meetings follow an agenda, yet are very casual. As volunteers and families arrive, they help themselves to pizza and soda and sit in small groups, catching up before the meeting begins. This gives everyone some time to decompress, whether it's from the workday, the rush to get to the meeting on time, or simply from the strong feelings, nerves or otherwise, that they may be experiencing if it’s their first (or second or third…) night.
When it's time, everyone splinters into their separate groups. The youngest children, the “Littles,” go in one group, the 7-12 year olds, or “Middles,” in another group, leaving the Teens, who form the final group. Each group of children is accompanied by several adult volunteers.
Each group begins the meeting in the same way. They pass around a talking stick and, as it goes around the circle, everyone (both children and volunteers) takes turns sharing their name, as well as what brings them to Oak Tree Corner. It’s important for the children to know two things before this begins:
1) That it’s OK to pass if they are too overwhelmed to share, as is the case with many first-timers, or even kids who have been coming for years.
2) That only the person holding the talking stick should be talking, until the stick is passed to the next person.
Volunteers often use this time to go over the Oak Tree Corner rules. Everyone hears these rules at the orientation they attend before going to their first meeting, but this is a good chance to reiterate them. Oak Tree Corner doesn’t have a lot of rules, but the ones they do have are there for everyone’s emotional and physical safety.
The majority of the meeting is then spent on whatever activity or activities the volunteers have planned. These activities are designed to facilitate discussion about grieving. Some are more successful than others and if a child gets bored with one activity, they are free to move on to another. It’s imperative that the children lead the conversation. Volunteers never ask direct questions, instead using “I wonder…” statements, because no one wants the children to feel as if they’re being interrogated. Silence is fine, too! If the kids don’t want to speak, sometimes that means they need the quiet.
Littles tend to go through several activities in each meeting, often bouncing from activity to activity and back again, and sometimes volunteers splinter off with certain kids who want to do a different activity than the others. Middles, however, can usually focus on one activity per meeting, often creating beautiful crafts, such as memory boxes or journals. Teens, as one might imagine, often take the beginning discussion and run with it, and might spend the entire hour just talking. Other nights, they might play games as the facilitators ask indirect questions.
Each meeting ends the same way, with a hand squeeze. All groups come back together, gather in a circle, and hold hands. Vicki, the director, reminds everyone to take a quiet moment to think about why they come to Oak Tree Corner, and then a previously chosen child (usually one who has asked at the beginning of the night) starts the hand squeeze. The child squeezes the hand of the person next to them, that person squeezes the hand of the person next to them, and so on, until the squeeze has made it back to the child who started it.
That’s what an Oak Tree Corner meeting should look like, though, as previously mentioned, there are always slight differences. The meetings may sound very simple, and they only last about an hour and a half, but most children look forward to coming, if only because they get to come to a place where there are others who understand exactly what they’re going through.
If you or someone you know could benefit from Oak Tree Corner, or if you're interested in volunteering, please call us at (937) 285-0199 or send us an email.
